If you read my facebook or twitter, I was up watching the NY State Assembly voting on Friday. My stomach was in a knot. I could feel the excitement and energy. And beyond anything, hope. Hope that New York would promote marriage equality and legalize gay marriage. And when they were reading off the names in the affirmative, I was literally trying not to be sick. C’mon. C’mon. Just enough votes. Pleaseeee.

And just like that, New York legalized gay marriage. All the sudden, marriage was on an even playing field for couples in New York. I cried. I witnessed history. I want to tell my kids one day that mommy and mommy couldn’t get legally married when they had their wedding. But over time, things changed. I want to see that puzzled look in their eye when they ask, “But Mommy, why couldn’t you get married?’. And I’ll know we have come so far.

This energy, this happiness- I just want it to continue and build. I want to see so many happy couples, regardless of sexual orientation, celebrate in the coming weeks.

So I have decided to run a special in honor of gay marriage being passed in NY. I did it for DC and now it seems like it’s going to be a wonderful and frequent tradition.

Specials

These specials are for a limited time only and are available to anyone, regardless of sexual orientation. You must be in NY within 85 miles of my New Haven, CT studio (yes, that includes NYC!). All shoots (except full wedding packages) are Monday-Thursday in the early AM (usually 6:30am) or afternoon (usually around 5:30).

• Engagement Sessions/Rock The Dress or Suit/Couple Shots: Between now and August 15th, all shoots are $250 instead of $350.
• Civil Ceremony: Are you going to get your marriage certificate and then get hitched? I would love to shoot your ceremony. Afterwards, we’ll do some fun couple’s portraits. Receive $150 off my civil ceremony package.
• Wedding: Book your wedding package before August 31 and receive 10%. Your wedding must be between now and March 31, 2012.

Excited? Contact me and let’s get started!

So normally, I write tips to all the couple’s planning their wedding. But today- it’s a little different. I prefer the word attendant, but I’m actually writing specifically to the ladies. So whether you’re a bridesmaid or attendant or badass brigade, I have a few tips that *you* can do to make the wedding day go smoother and for you to look better.

Maybe you’re over the hill with unicorns and baby dolphins about being a bridesmaid. Or maybe you would rather eat your own young. Either way, it’s a really weird position to be in. A lot is expected of you, but from behind the scenes. And it varies a lot exactly what is expected of you.

1. Talk ahead of time to the couple. Do they have a planner to help make things run smoothly? If not, is there a specific person you can go to with questions if vendors or guests are asking? You can even volunteer yourself as the go-to person if your super organized and ready for a day full of a lot of work.
2. When the wedding day actually comes, it’s time to get ready. If a hair and makeup person is coming to help everyone get ready, make your choice about if you want professional hair/makeup waaay before the actual day. And once you make that choice? There is no going back. The timeline has been set and while the makeup/hair person may offer to squeeze you in- there is no squeezing in. You are guaranteeing things will now run late. If you’re doing your own hair/makeup- keep an eye on the time. I know it’s super exciting to see all your friends. It really is! But you need to be ready at least 10 minutes prior to the bride(s)/groom(s) getting into their wedding gear so you can help. There is something really amazing about a whole bridal brigade helping get the couple ready and the ‘omg-he/she-is-dressed-and-looks-awesome’ moment. That moment is what the bride or groom has been waiting for. They want to share that moment. They want the gasps or the crying. So don’t be late for them.
3. Now everyone is dressed. If the bride has a long veil or train, help a girl out. And not just for the first 15 minutes. Keep an eye on it the whole day. At the ceremony? Fluff the dress before the walk down the aisle. Is the veil messed up at the altar? Totally cool to step out from the line and help straighten it out.
4. Now that we are talking about the ceremony: HYDRATE. You should be drinking water all AM. Why? Because nothing is worse than a bridesmaid passing out. And I have seen it happen at 6+ weddings. Full-on, smash face, passout. It’s most common at summer weddings but I have seen it year round. Why does this happen? Your standing in one place for a very long time, sometimes outdoors, sweating, you most likely forgot to eat and you have been up since the crack of dawn for hair/makeup. That’s why bridesmaids pass out!!
5. When walking down the aisle, walk slowly and look up. Most processional pictures involve everyone looking at the ground as they walk up the aisle- not the most flattering of poses. So try to look up and walk slowly so you don’t trip.
6. While you’re standing there at the ceremony, all nice and hydrated, stand correctly. I don’t just mean remember to stand up straight (though, that helps) but remember to not lock your knees. Stand with a slight bend to your knees, back straight, shoulders back, and engage your core. This will help get you through the loooong ceremonies.
7. I know it’s a long ceremony. And a lot of times (as in, like 80%) you can’t see the ceremony. At all. It sucks. I have been a bridesmaid twice and didn’t see the ceremony either time. I hated that. But if you’re standing up there and you can’t see a thing? Pretend. For the love of cupcakes, pretend you can see that ceremony. Do not look up in the air to watch the passing birds. Or down at the floor at the grass growing. Look in the direction of the couple and look happy. Because I’m shooting wide shots that include you- so if every shot is of you admiring the shade of green of the grass?? It just looks bad.
8. For group shots, if you are a family member of one couple’s, know the group shot list ahead of time. And be prepared to wrangle some people up for group shots. I may have a list, but I have never met Aunt Judy before. So any help I can get will make things move faster. And you want those group shots to move fast, don’t you? No one likes those.
9. If someone hasn’t brought the couple some yummy appetizers or glasses of water, grab a waiter and ask if the couple will be getting some because they are most likely being swarmed by family/friends and aren’t thinking about those things. Making sure they are well fed and hydrated makes for a happy couple and a couple ready for the dance floor.
10. Dancing can sometimes be an instant, full-on dance floor. But other times? No one wants to get up. And the couple wants to dance. You can see it in their eyes they can’t wait for all their friends to enjoy themselves. Be the first. Be brave. Go out and dance on that empty dance floor. More people will join you and that dance floor will fill up. And even though everyone might forget who started dancing and made the wedding a hit- you’ll know you took one for the team and helped out.
11. Toasts. Oh boy. Some people love to get up there and talk while others would rather skip the whole thing together. But if you have been asked to toast, prepare prepare prepare. Write your speech. Time it. Have a few friends read it. The key is to keep in under 4 minutes and keep it funny/happy/meaningful not just to the couple but to all the guests. And if you haven’t been asked to give a speech and you want to? Pipe up before the wedding so the timeline can be adjusted. I have seen toasts that were scheduled for 15 minutes go on for 40 minutes because some extra people decided to give toasts. The guests were waiting for food. They were super duper cranky from being hungry. The couple look anxious because they loved the speeches but had to be out of the venue by 10pm or get charged a couple hundred extra dollars. And the caterer looked like he was going to pull his hair out.

YAYYY!!! Congratulations New York on marriage equality! Look for a special celebration discount tomorrow!

I have been lucky enough lately to be meeting with a ton of couple’s planning their 2012 wedding. And one of the things I talk a lot about is my philosophy. I want my clients to *get me* as much as I want to get to know them. And I’m constantly reaching out there and trying to put my thoughts into words. But one time my words just flowed. What I wrote actually made me break into a smile, pat myself on the back, and be like ‘Yup, you nailed it!! That’s exactly it!’ And it was featured in my sponsored post on A Practical Wedding a few months back. But it’s worth reposting here:

Why I love working with APW clients:

Last year, when my first sponsored post went up, I’d only had two APW couples. And I loved them. This year, it’s been crazy: something like 30% of my couples find me on APW.  And it’s great because I know when an APW reader contacts me, we’re going to be a good fit because we share the same ideas about what a wedding is for. They have their values right: they know there is more to a wedding than vintage bikes, trendy clothes, balloons, and fake mustaches (though, who doesn’t love a fake mustache?). They come over, we have wine and cheese, they pet my cats if they’re not allergic, and then, what do you know, after the wedding we’re going to Super-Bowl parties together, having dinner at each other’s houses. I even had a couple in which one partner graduated from the same PhD program my wife is in!

I always tell my clients it’s really important to click because on your wedding day, I’m going to be with you allllllll day…and for several months after (or years, if you do the baby thing). My clients therefore tend to be people I would pick as friends. And all the clients I’ve gotten through APW fall under that category.

My Philosophy

Photography:

My approach to wedding photography comes out of my approach to my work as an artist. In art school, working outside the boundaries and expectations of commercial work, I was able to focus intently on executing the image in my mind, an image that had to be both aesthetically satisfying and effective as a mode of communication. Because of my training and my weird, hyper-visual brain, I see the world in terms of the image I can create. So when I’m shooting a wedding and I see the image in my mind, I will do whatever it takes to GET THAT SHOT. Sometimes that involves bodily contortions that end in serious bruising the next day, but when I upload the photos to my computer, it’s totally worth it. I also approach digital photography the way I approach film, so when I shoot my work is only half done. I view photoshop like a batch of darkroom chemicals, necessary to my producing the image I’ve imagined.

I live, eat, breathe photography. I am never happier than when I am shooting. My clients sometimes laugh at me because we’ll be walking down the street during an engagement shoot and I’ll be like, “THERE. RIGHT THERE. NOW.” And then, when I get the shot, I’m kind of a personal sound-effects machine. I love APW clients because they get it. They actually want to know what artists outside the wedding world inspire me. They want to hear about my book art or my feminist digital installations. Because the same desire to communicate, to tell a story in an aesthetically compelling way, motivates my wedding photography. Plus, they love my sound-effects.

Diversity:

I talk a lot about aesthetics and communication, but the reason I started in this industry was because I had something to say. Namely, “Where are the f*cking gay people? Where are the people of color? Where are the rip-your-heart-out emotionally gorgeous weddings minus the trendy hipster-gear? Where are the over-size-two people?” These questions drive me as a wedding photographer and as co-founder of So You’re EnGAYged, and that’s why my weddings run the gamut from a Catholic high-mass to a lesbian hand-fastening ceremony. I’m not here to show you models in a field with a piano. Yes, it’s super-pretty. Yes, it’s great portfolio material. But IT’S NOT REAL.

I love real people in love. I love people choosing to commit publicly to each other. Those commitments look different and ARE different. They mean different things to different people. But at the end of the day, it’s a celebration of love. Let’s face it: your dress isn’t going to be in style forever. Your wife might find that grad school gives her a few wrinkles. But your pictures aren’t about trendy clothes and perfect skin, despite what the wedding-industrial-complex tells you. Because your wedding isn’t about those things either. And in each wedding I shoot, whether the couple is 20 or 50, gay or straight, black, white or anything else, I strive to tell the story of what your wedding IS about: love, community, and commitment. [Kelly gets down from soap-box]